Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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