im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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