I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
