I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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