god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
