I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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