I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
