i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
