areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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