he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
