someone get that fucking seahorse.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Green mimosas i think yes
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
