I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
