dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
