These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
