i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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