My hair reeks of homosexuality.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
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just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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