If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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