Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
