dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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