Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
