im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I would fuck him just for his dog
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
