trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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