Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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