I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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