Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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