i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
