I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
PANTIES FOUND
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