If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
