Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
