Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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