Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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