Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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