I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
