I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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