8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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