That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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