I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
