OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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