margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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