You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
