I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
