I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
