i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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