I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
