took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's rum buckets o'clock
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
