He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
