I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
