I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
