so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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