Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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