Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
