I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
