I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
