my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
