If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
