remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
