The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
