I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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