doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i would punch a child for taco bell
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
