The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
