Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
