So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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