I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
