I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
this just has baby written all over it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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