i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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