You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
