We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
