I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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