This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
