I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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