Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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