Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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