You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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