if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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