Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
