so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
