I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
