No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
